I am Enough

The title may be somewhat misleading.

  I am enough. 

What does that even mean?  I am enough is a simple enough statement.  To someone somewhere I will be enough of a reason to stick around. I will matter enough to become a permanent meaningful fixture of someone's life.  They will care enough to make things work.  They won't walk away from a permanent kinda women for a fleeting female.

I am more than enough for someone somewhere. 

But where is he?  Will he love my son?  Will he treat us well?  Will he choose to be our forever man and never walk away? 

I am enough.

I AM ENOUGH. 

I feel like I should be heartbroken

I am sad. I have a killer migraine. Most likely due to the insane amount of reading I have this week. I am enjoying my new class tho.  It's nice to debate religious  matters with like minded folks. 

Ezra is almost totally potty trained.  He's doing so awesome and im very proud of him.   He's turning into such a big boy.  He opens the car door for me.  He is turning into such an awesome boy. 

I'm very over almost everyone in my life.  Everyone has something to say about my parenting, and im just done with it. I want my forever man. Like does he even exist. I thought maybe he had found me but that wasn't the case.  I'm gonna just focus on keeping my grades up. 

I got an A in my first class and I am so proud of myself.  Hard work really does pay off.  Hopefully I can do just as well with my Christian Worldview class.  We had to watch a movie for class and I picked Gods Not Dead.  It was a really good movie. 

I still have a headache.  This blows and i really feel like I'm gonna be off guys for yet another year.   Or two depending on how fast I can finish my degree. 

Bleh

don't let other peoples insecurities and uhappiness overshadow what your trying to accomplish with your life

So. Before I jump into the horror that was my visit to my grandmothers house, I'll just say that the way she treats me. I'm used to it but it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt.

I went over there with my dad and I wrongly decided to share my good news with her. I don't know why I expected her to be happy I was back in school. I don't know why I expected any response other than the one she gave me. Instead of her telling me she was happy for me, or even giving me a positive response. She said "OH" in this grumpy who gives a fuck tone.

No big deal right? Well, I told her I planned to use my degree to homeschool Ezra and that's when she became animatedly condescending. "Your SELFISH" is what came out of her mouth. I'm selfish because I want to give my son an education centered around his academic needs and goals. Okay. I see you. Then I was told that "so n so" is an awesome educator and such a compassionate person, and I'm just like my mom. She went on to further upset me.

Writing this just showed me that she's very bitter and unhappy and that I shouldn't allow her to get to me.

I"m going to school for me not for her. So her opinion doesn't really matter to me. ugh.

HATERS GONNA HATE

On a side note, I'm doing excellent with my meditations and chakra balancing. I'm so grateful to my friend Kaila for exposing me to it. It has been such a help the past few weeks especially with my schooling and my concentration. I love being so centered and in control of my emotions. Its amazing.

Here's to hoping my plans for the weekend are awesome and fun and safe!