Exhausted

I am so freaking exhausted. I just finished my last paper for my theology course. My next class doesn't start for another week, soooo I'm hoping to do some special stuff with Ezra. I'm just exhausted. This last paper required a lot of late nights, and early mornings. It is all worth it though, every late night is worth it.

We spent the day yesterday with my MIL and BIL. It was really enjoyable and Ezzie had such a good time. He played with his Cous Cous and tried to play with his little big uncle Leem.

The plan is to have a week long movie marathon with both Ezzie and Bae when he's not in class. We are going to watch all our favorite kiddie movies, and color  and use our Pearson shapes kit to build things. I'm even going to try taking him to the movies again to see if he can sit still long enough to actually enjoy it.

I need to call Liz and see how she's feeling. Ezra wants to go visit his gramma Liz and so do I, so hopefully she's feeling up to a visit.

I'm really tired.

almost bedtime thank gawd!

Hotline Bling

I cannot stop laughing. Drake is the man. So last night after I finished my supplemental readings, I was like oh lets cruise through Tumblr for a hot min, and see what's happening. What do I find other than a zillion memes of Drake, dancing to every song in the world. I laughed so hard I almost peed on myself. Fast forward to today, baby is napping and my friend sends me this link of none other than Drake dancing. I had to go outside I was laughing so hard. Look, Drake is everyone's inner dork. Everyone, myself included dances like that when in the privacy of their own home. I was doing it today and laughing at myself. Drake! You da real MVP maaaaaan!

I turned in my paper and now I have another ridiculously long ass paper to write. Yay me...but not really.

My family amuses me. They make me laugh. At them. GO get yo life, stop worrying about what we doing over here cause it really doesn't concern you. I could be more specific but I won't. Lame asses.

Anyways, next week going out with Bae, should be fun. Some comedian is in town so it should be a barrel of laughs. I think I'm going to wear a dress...idk yet. It should be nice to spend some one on one time sans baby.

I tried to get my star wars tickets last night but the server CRASHED so no tickets. Sad day man. Sad friggin day, I think now I'm gonna leave Ez home when we go see it so I don't have to leave due to a toddler meltdown.

Now back singing Hotline Bling aloud and dancing while I start my next assignments.

If your reading this, God loves you.

His name is worthy

So my hair game has been on point lately.  Too bad it's almost winter.  Winter means protective styles, twists maybe braids. I really want to be working on the rest of my paper,  but I promised I would relax tonight.  He thinks I overwork myself.  He's probably right,  I know he is.  I spoke with my academic advisor today.  He seemed super psyched about my GPA. Which made me super psyched as well.  A 3.5 makes me happy but this 4.0 makes me downright giddy. 

I'm realizing of late that I don't hardly sleep.  Even now that the baby is in his own bed.  I'm just awake,  usually doing hw or reading the Bible or meditating. As a result I  consume mass amounts of coffee.  I live for coffee now.  I've gotten like my cousin,  she can drink coffee anytime and pass out. 

I let him read part of my paper the other day.  Even tho he's not a believer, I find myself hoping that some part of it reaches him.  Writing this paper has me feeding some kinda way. It just truly shows how good God is. This class is an encouragement. I hope God reaches him in time.

I got bit up by mosquitos the other day. Mildly irritating but what's a lady to do

Im disconnecting again. Let's see if He picks up on it.  He usually does,  he's a lot of things but a dummy he's not.

I think once I'm done with this class im going to reward myself with a solo trip to California.  No baby,  no family,  just me. I'm going to sleep.  And probably only emerge to eat. Lol that is the dream vacation right there lol

Well,  I'm going to go for a walk and do some laundry. Aaaaaaaand watch the Walking Dead. I love that show.  Hahaha

Tootz

Random

Life takes us to unexplainable places. 
Life brings us to unexplainable moments.
Both good and bad.
I'm in a good place.
School is going fabulous.
My son is thriving and amazing.
The people that matter know they are loved Even He knows what he means to me.

God keeps blessing me.  Day after day,  hour after hour,  and min after min.  I'm looking forward to this next chapter in my life. 

Binary Beats, EDM Music, and Bae

Yesterday I was so peeved off that I couldn't focus on my Mark 8:28/9 assignment. Thankfully that has since been rectified, and completed. I was reminded by several people in my life that as a writer, someone will always take offense with my perceptions. Everyone has a different experience with people, and I can only write about mine. I refuse to apologize for anything I've written because that is my truth. If people don't like it, they can go about their day instead of checking my site multiple times a day.

With that being said Spotify has a nifty EDM study music playlist, that I listen to simultaneously with my binary beats. Even though I got maybe four hours of sleep, I was still able to maintain my focus. I also completed my assignment ahead of schedule. I'm debating on starting work on next weeks paper which is going to be way longer than anything we've done so far.

Been rocking with Bae since 2010/9 and we have our issues but I can truly say that we are a team. Even when one of us is being silly, we still have each others backs. That's truly blessed feeling. I'm hoping tomorrow when he comes over, we can take the baby to our park. We need to get out of the house, and I need a break from my schoolwork. I'm never behind but I do tend to get single-mindedly focused. 

I find myself so amused by my family. I really am. Everyone always wants to pretend that things haven't happened, or they want to sugarcoat shit and that's not how I operate. I call it like I see it and when my views are the same as other peoples, meaning we share the same experiences with people, whose really imagining things. The last time I went to my grandmothers, I had a panic attack. My cousins had to take my son inside so I could go calm down enough to walk into that house. I had to call my boyfriend to talk me down. My pulse didn't stop racing until I was in my car well away from that place.

My "families" thoughts, opinions and comments about me don't really matter. Why? Because they are irrelavent to my life. My circle is small for a reason. The only people that matter are the ones that have been here. My parents, my brothers, my cousins, my Korean, and most importantly my babe. My Mama Ray goes without being said, she is my rock with the dysfunctional people I'm related to.

I really don't care that my dad's sister found my blog. Who gives a shit? Its out here to be read. People always have something to say when they can't even take care of their own shit. That's life. But I'm still unbothered and doing me. You tried to throw shade but you don't know me and you never will.

This is why I miss my mom's parents, my grampa ain't been dead a full year yet but I still miss his voice. My Madea was the most loving, caring kind woman you would ever meet. She never had a negative word to say about anyone. Anyone whose ever met her would agree that she was a saint. I miss her so much, I know that she would truly love me and my son. My grampa Sam was a character, towards the end of his life he surely tried my patience but I never doubted his love for me, or my son. When Ezra would crawl/walk into wherever my grampa was his face would light up. That's love.

Love isn't insulting your grandchildren and making them feel like shit because you are an unhappy person. Love isn't insulting my mother and pretending its a compliment. Love is what I get from my Mama Ray, who calls and texts just to say hi or check on her great-nephew. Love is my aunt Dana, who is so much like Madea its ridiculous. Love is my dad with his insane overprotectiveness and drive for me to succeed. Love is my mom, who keeps it real no matter what the cost. Love is appreciating the ones who love you and hold you down.

I don't really care about the ones who don't matter, because the one's who do mean the world to me. That's my family. I told my mom I wouldn't blog about that comment I received but I guess I just did. So if you take anything from this know that I am unapologetic, I don't care that she read it I'm happy she did, maybe now she will know that my dad was right and that her treatment of me has never been right. Maybe she will start to question her actions towards her grandchildren.  Maybe her behavior towards me will change, but I doubt it and it doesn't matter. I have a family who loves me for who I am, flaws and all. I have cousins who I love them and their kids unconditionally and I would do anything for them, as they would for me.

That's all that really matters in life. In spite of your caustic comment, I remain unbothered because I am too blessed to be stressed.

Personal Experiences: The Truth Hurts

As a writer, people will be offended by your truth. The truth hurts and yet, I remain unbothered.

Yall have a blessed day now.

Cold Coffee, Tootsie Pops and the Walking Dead

So the blogger app on my phone is acting superbly wonky. I've been trying to update for the past few nights, but the doggone thing won't save/publish my posts. I started that new class a few weeks ago, Christian Worldview, a theology class. There are a bunch of atheists in the class who think Christians are the scourge of the earth. Oh JOY!

We had a question yesterday about the "trinity" and how Jesus and God were two different people. 0-o Ah what happened to the ONENESS of God?  Yes I had to set the fools straight, I am no dummy. Just ridiculous.

This child of mine is surely working my nerves right now because nap time started at 1230pm and all he's done is watch TV and request bathroom breaks. I turned the TV off and am doing hw/blogging and he keeps wanting to talk. Son, shut your trap and relax your body. This nap is for me as much as for him. Its needed peace and quiet in a house that is NEVER quiet.

He's slept in his bed the past two nights. Slowly but surely we are weaning and stopping co-sleeping. I love it don't  get me wrong but he's a wild sleeper and I'm tired of getting kicked in my back and abused. I do miss the sleepy cuddles but he's a big boy now. He's almost got the hang of this potty training thing. He rarely has accidents, and this is just the next step.

His dad's been hanging out with us a lot and I think that is helping with some things. He's a no nonsense kinda guy so he doesn't let Ezra get away with crap. I think my dad's having a hard time dealing with it but its life. That's his father. Get on board. At the end of the day Ezra needs this relationship with his dad. Its what I've always wanted.

I need to get back to my assignment. I might try to update later on tonight if my app works. I prefer doing it on the app anyways. Toodles

also... I love cold coffee, but it has to be really strong. Aaaaaaaaaand the Walking Dead is back on Sunday! powPowpow zombies!