Need new bones ASAP

Sometimes the pain in my body is too much to bear. This is one of those times. I cannot remember if I took my medication or not but at this point my back has locked up so it’s irrelevant. Hopefully tomorrow will be different, doubtful but still hopeful. We are painting our sight words ❤️ 

update/birthday/vibezzzzz

I’ve been taking a break from blogging lately and doing some other writing. I’m able to express myself more freely in other arenas in regards to emotions. My writing coach is encouraging me to share some pieces and continue developing my skills. 

Ezra’s birthday is right around the corner and I’ve taken a different approach this year. 🙃 This year I’m not having the stress. No overstimulation for mommy at all. I’m just really looking forward to the next few weeks with him. We are making a lot of progress with our sight words. I’ve been incorporating them into our daily reading and doing goofy activities with him where we form them using different objects. This week we are going to work on penmanship because OBVIOUSLY it needs to be worked on but we are gonna use our sight words as the examples. 

The universe is trying to test me but I rebuke that nonsense. This is going to be a good summer school session. Great vibes. Good birthday vibes for my sweetie and no one, not even his bio dad is going to ruin that for him. 

Cue the Tears 😭

Today my baby was promoted out of Headstart. *intense emotional feels* I’ve been having a time dealing with all these...changes and this big milestone(while expected) just knocked me down. I had a good cry yesterday and thought I was gonna be chill for the ceremony today. But see, the way the planets have aligned... Issa Nope! 

One of the teachers was talking to me about some pictures they had for their “yearbooks” and my eyes started tearing up. I had to exit the room. As I was crying in the hallway, the janitor walked in our corridor. He didn’t miss a beat, he just said “it’s gonna be okay.” And went about his business. Our FSC stepped outside when she realized I was missing, and we had a chat about what happened last night and about single parenting when others don’t respect you as a parent. I really appreciate her today because the past few months have really sucked ass in some ways but she’s always been around to pep me up. 

I digress, back to topic. So it gets started and first they sneak attack the parents and recognize us for being amazing participants in our kids learning. Cool right? Then she double sneak attacked us and called five of us up to the front and told on us. A few of us were really active in class, another mom was there every Friday helping out. I was their literary nerd and read to the kids and found them books to go with their units of study. The other moms were always in the class doing activities or bringing cool stuff like SLIIIIMEEEEEE lol. So we got really embossed certificates and you guessed it, I cried. I’m a big cry baby. 

But then our babies got up there and sang for us and danced. Ezra just shone and even though my heart is so sad he’s growing up, I’m so proud of how far he’s come this year. After it was all said and done, a few of the parents came up to me and said they loved Ezra’s spirit and dancing. They love that I don’t stifle him and that I allow him to be who he is even when his energy makes me uncomfortable. I’m so excited to see where this next school year takes him. 

I am extremely grateful for his teachers and the substitute who was in our class most of the year(until the walkout). They have been extremely supportive and helpful, not only to Ezra but to me as a mother/parent and future educator. It’s because of the head teacher I met my practicum teacher and that in itself was a blessing. The HeadStart program is more than just an education program, it’s amazing people who want to help you succeed at life. 

Our FSC is going to help me with other things to move stuff along. It’s time to shake stuff up. 

Reflections and Books

I haven't really been in the blogging mood. There's just so much going on right now and it's a lot to process. If I'm being honest, it's overwhelming at times. I have this amazing community of people that I can lean on with all of this stuff but sometimes I just need to sit with it. It's like I could talk with them but they aren't dealing with this so they don't understand. Or they try to downplay what's going on and it pisses me off. Or they say things to try and placate me and that just upsets me.

Saturday, in the most oddest of circumstances I met someone at a birthday party and immediately felt comfortable with her. Before I knew it I was spilling my guts to her about everything. It was refreshing to talk to something going through the same thing. Someone objective that is. I felt so much better after talking with her. I'm so happy that I went because I ended up meeting someone that changed my life.

Here are some books we've read lately because I'm tired and words escape me.

Awareness

At some point in life, we must make the conscious decision to regain control of everything that has been taken from us. The creation of small obtainable goals with the purpose of reaching a larger goal, will help regain control without fear of overwhelming ourselves and spiraling into the abyss. Each goal accomplished is one small step towards taking back your life and putting your life together again. Acknowledging the circumstance in which you find yourself takes a great deal of strength and self-reflection. Know that the road you travel serves a far greater purpose than you can ever tell, your journey(struggles) are meant to guide someone.