May the Force be with You, yes that force, wait I didn't mean THAT force SMH

I recently read that it's National Poetry Month, so my friend and I have committed ourselves to writing bad poetry together. Granted some of the stuff I've been writing lately hasn't been bad, it's been different but not bad. I think it's bad but my critics/confidants think it's a-ok. One poem a day while I do the things that I do and function, or try to function at any rate.

I had the procedure on my neck last week and by golly gee freaking whiz the day after I felt INVINCIBLE *ECHOS*. I felt amazing all weekend seriously. My level of pain went from a 8.5 to like a 3.5 and I was digging it. Aside from the weird twitching/involuntary spasms that were going on with my back immediately after and right before the pain came back full force (I've been literally struggling with crippling exhaustion/back spasm/neuropathy since late Sunday night) it was a nice weekend. I went swimming and it took so much pressure off my spine. Ezra had so much freaking fun with his cousins too. It was so nice to just be around people who just get me. I never have to be anyone other than me with them. If I'm hurting that's fine, if I'm tired that's okay too and they've always accepted my son unconditionally.

I think if I'm being honest that's what got me this weekend, that acceptance of my son.  This season of change and growth is hitting us really hard and it's time to go back to the place where I feel safe and loved. My cousins husband came up and gave me the biggest hug Sunday and told me he missed Ezra's blunt honesty. He said Ezra was refreshing and he's missed us this past year. I got so caught up in trying to make everyone else happy with my "family" that I forgot about the people who took me in all those years ago. They played such a big part of my life in so many ways. It just felt right to be with them again.

Ezra and I celebrated our first real Easter this year. I want him to enjoy his childhood in ways that I never got to experience. We started with Christmas and have ventured into Easter. My brother and I put together our version of an Easter basket. It was completely and utterly Star Wars themed. Ezra was so hyped when he saw it Sunday morning. I swear I have the best kid in the world. The first thing he said was "thank you Mommy!" When I told him his uncle helped me put it together, he ran and gave him a huge hug too. Easter was amazing for so many reasons but the most important was seeing my son happy and playing with his cousins. He didn't forget that the most important reason for any holiday is family and to express our gratitude because they are in our lives. We dyed eggs, went swimming(me and Ezra too HA!) and had a sunken egg treasure hunt, and had a traditional egg hunt. It was the most fun I've had in so long.

Photos <3

Disclaimer: "I want him to enjoy his childhood in ways that I never got to experience." <= I had a great childhood. I was provided for physically and emotionally but there are things that as an adult I wish would have been done different. Those things I have resolved to do differently with my son. The backlash of my doing these things differently has led to strained/difficult relationships with family members due to their own insecurities but that really isn't my issue. I've chosen to not force my son to be in any type of religious organization like I was forced to as a child/young adult. I've chosen to try to acknowledge my mistakes as a parent and always apologize for them. In case anyone gets it twisted, I love my parents and I appreciate every single thing they've done for me. Without them I wouldn't be who I am today, without the choices they made in their parenting I wouldn't be parenting the way I do today with my own child. My parenting choices should never be seen as a negative reflection of their own, rather I took the positives, discarded the negatives and started fresh just as we all do when we start our own families.