Anyone remember that show “Ahhhh Monsters”? I feel like I’m an extra in that show and I’m the monster popping up around every corner. I’m having so much anxiety about tomorrow. I haven’t been able to concentrate on anything. Today I woke up with this horrible headache that my usual amounts of water couldn’t kick. I had to lay down with Ezra and I fell asleep. When I woke up my head was STILL HURTING. Just why.
Logically I know God never brings me to anything I can’t get through. But I am feeling a complicated jumble of emotions about this latest hurdle. It makes me appreciate the past five years I spent home with Ezra. If there’s a chance I might not get to do this again, I’m glad I followed my heart and stayed home with him. I’m still angry. I’m sad. I’m mostly angry I think. I wasn’t expecting this outcome at all. Just ugh.
I deleted Facebook. I just needed to breathe. Maybe it will help me focus this weekend. Idk. I feel like the ones who know have tried to help but how can I explain what I’m feeling if I don’t even understand it. I just know that I’m still processing it and I’m tired of people saying it’s not the end of the world. It may not impact your world but it does MINE and MY WORLD feels very much shattered lately. I know my irritation is misplaced but I just can’t deal with anyone right now. If I could turn my phone off and just NOT I would do that but I can’t.
So nervous about tomorrow 😞
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