Writer’s Block

“Writing about a writer's block is better than not writing at all”

Charles Bukowski, The Last Night of the Earth Poems

Something has to be said for the amount of mental thought I’ve expounded over my inability to write this past week. I’ve sat at my laptop and just stared at a blank screen willing words to show up. Yet nothing appears. I’ve sat there staring as words appear on the screen but they aren’t the right words so they get deleted. I’ve wondered if writing is meaningless or if these words I spew actually mean something. 

After I sat and realized I don’t really give a hoot, I decided to write about my writers block. This blockage seems to be intrinsically linked to my currently bout of back spasms. Writing is my unwinding activity and these spasms have my body and mind completely unable to unwind. Even the simple act of responding to a DQ is requiring extreme focus. Just when it seems I’ve mastered my pain a spasm will wrack my body and temporarily throw me out again. 

This is the longest running spasm cycle I’ve experienced and I’m not feeling it. It started March 5th and it won’t stop. It started with my neck, traveled down my spine and went back up to my neck yesterday. So basically it’s a all over spasm. My muscle/skin is inflamed to the touch and I’m covered in patches which I can’t really tell if they are helping but I need the illusion of pain management. 

Although this isn’t how I intended to spend spring break, we’ve still managed to get a great deal of fun stuff done. Monday we had a fun day out with mommy and uncle. He’s gotten so fast on that doggone scooter 🛴  he’s like speed racer. Tuesday we had an amazing play date with our friends B and T and their kids E/A and J. Ezra got to hold Baby A and was in absolute heaven. He promptly put in an request for a baby sister lol. We all had a lot of fun at the museum and it was nice to be out. I think that it was more meaningful because they understand chronic pain(mine) and know my limitations. They could tel when my body started to shut down and were okay with me going home. 

Today I shaved my head 🙃 because why not. I can’t raise my arms to actually do my hair so Meh! It looks amazing tho. We hit up the library and decided we are going to learn about architecture and plumbing.  We have varied tastes in this house.  

Life really is what it is. I’m making the best of chronic pain and I’m not letting it stop me from enjoying my son. We deserve to enjoy this time off while we can.